When Faced with the Heart

There is not enough rain—

Her soul’s still whispering

loudly enough

to be questioning the winds

 

When faced with the heart

she’s steady in stilted progress

drinking up the lost and far

startled by the shocks of silence

unable to innocently resume rest

after reverbs of thunder

roll so rigorously through her

 

Those warm heart remembrances

too all-consuming to not have been real

When faced with the heart

the heart is without appeal

 

There is not enough darkness

Her mind’s still craving

the hold of a heaviness much worse…

 

When faced with the heart

Though she can hear herself

She’d rather her voice be silent

Carrie Gilbert 2017

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What I’ll Remember

In September 1997, I was a month or two into playing ‘Middle of Nowhere’ on repeat, dreaming from my small town bedroom, my hopes reflected in the first songs that felt like magic. Fast forward to September 2017, my almost 32 year old self still waiting to exchange a few words with one of her heroes.  It was Isaac who came eventually came out for pictures—ever since he started his podcast last year and he and I exchanged a couple of messages, I have felt a newfound admiration for the parts of his heart that had previously gone unnoticed to me.  Never has wisdom resonated with me like the gems Isaac shared with Hanson.net members like he might a trusted friend. His bravery in speaking honestly was that spark in the dark that allowed me to strive no matter how dismal the day ahead of me appeared to be. The most precious gift from all of this was that I had the opportunity through the words I wrote to let him know I was on his side as much as he was on mine.

That late night in Cleveland, I didn’t have time to compose my thoughts on a computer screen. I even forgot, after using every last bit of my strength to dance a minute or two in between resting my legs and singing along until I nearly lost my voice, to introduce myself by name.  But I did make sure Isaac knew how wonderful the show had been, and was amazed yet again by his patience, his humbleness and extraordinary kindness. The comforting sound of that warm, encouraging voice that had greeted  me in his podcasts was so amplified in his presence, and in less than a minute my heart knew his was not only genuine, but perhaps one of the most giving I had ever encountered. All it took was his hand on my arm as he was getting into position to take our photo, and I felt a wave of peace wash over me so incredible I cannot even describe it in words. Today, I know that what I’ll remember most, if ever this band and us fans should part ways before this life is over, is that peace and how because this exchange between souls of a similar thread held so much power in such a short moment, I am able to go within, pull it into my heart and use its strength to spread it to another heart. What I’ll remember is that some connections, though seemingly indefinable, carry with them great spiritual purpose.

Photo Credit: Kelly Bazely21766827_10101201371634359_6066219536823572239_n

Undo Each Feeling

Undo each feeling

There are no quiet emotions

I have little room for healing—

this evening barely begins

 

before I succumb to me

Undo each feeling

I feel much too much without even bleeding

 

Undo each feeling

I must have become some sort of ruse

Far away, fancies are fleeing

for no longer does this heart flow to their muse

 

Undo each feeling

where emotion holds flame to this being

Though I have tried through patient fury of flight

I cannot hold quite so tight

nor still hold out

for faded light…

 

Undo each feeling

Of what have I lost sight?

Carrie Gilbert 2017