Can feelings be a choice? Lately I have noticed a tendency in myself to find my way back to those difficult emotions for fear I may forget something of importance. Is it safe to relax? I wonder. I worry over every moment which is not spent dwelling over my countless concerns. I become lost in my sadness once the quiet falls around me, questioning whether or not the state of my solitude will be permanent. How and when will I feel together and alive in my world, instead of as though I’m just a small voice in the background? Can I choose what I most desire? Is it all really as fleeting as I imagine it to be?
My thoughts are just as stubborn. I can’t tell you how often over the years they’ve refused to stay on the path of lightness and sureness. You would think they’d prefer this direction, yet it appears as though they are just too flighty and impatient to stay that particular course. But what if my heart could make that choice instead?
I admit I do not often join hands with time and befriend her. I find it difficult to trust in that guidance when I only keep circling back through my fears. Perhaps I should grant myself more patience as I learn to stay with those brighter and more strengthening thoughts. There’s one choice, at least, I can start with today.